pears in red wine

This is October work, when the pear tree is over-productive. The worse the pears, the better, as the temptation simply to eat them is less.

In our case the pears are ideal - tasteless, small conferences with a nasty, hard skin, suitable only for squirrels, the bin - or PIRW (the abbreviation under which Government Regulation No 80 million lays down that they must be safely peeled, boiled, registered and packed in sealed containers, approved by the Department of Interfering, Ignorant Busybodies, DIIB).

1. Peel 12 fairly hard pears - leaving on the stalks, which are essential to enable eaters to chew off the last bits.

2. Place in saucepan and pour on one bottle of cheap red. (A certain person says "Less wine, more water, as the sauce is too strong." That person's opinion should - on this matter only - be ignored. Wine a-plenty compensates for lousy pears).

3. Add sugar to taste - one tablespoon or so per four pears.

4. Add flavouring. I use lemon juice plus anything that's in the cupboard/fridge and seems appropriate, e.g. almond essence or fresh mint, whatever takes your fancy.

5. Boil slowly. The hardness of the pears when you start determines how long they need to boil. The essential requirement are...

6. ....(a) they must cook long enough for the wine colour to have got into the pears and...

7. ....(b) they must not begin to disintegrate. So

8. After they have boiled for a few minutes, test several pears with a fork. If the fork goes into them (and the wine colour is established), turn off the heat and let them stand.

9. Put pears, covered in wine juice, in plastic containers and place in deep freeze.

10. Do another dozen, and another, and another.....